Humans seem to come hardwired with a fear of failure. Everyone is afraid of doing something because they are worried they will fail at it. For some people, that might be public speaking. For others, perhaps it’s going for a big job promotion or opening their own business. We all have this ingrained scaredy-pants inside of us, yet some people have mastered their inner fears and thrive.
Are you living with a fear of failure that holds you back from your dreams? Girl, I understand! I’ve been there, too. These are the tips I use to overcome my fears, anxieties, and worries, and have the confidence to take action.
I want all of us to be able to live beyond fear. We deserve the chance to be strong, confident, bold women who kick butt in the world!
Retrain Your Brain
The first step is changing how we think about our fears. So often we are afraid to mess up at something, so we never even try. But if we applied this to everything in life, we wouldn’t get the chance to do anything! We would be sitting at home too afraid to engage with the world.
As a kid, when you learned to write it probably didn’t go well at first. Your letters were wobbly, you mixed up your “b” and your “d”, and it took you a long time to write anything. But did you quit because it was hard? No, you kept at it and today you can write a note anytime you want. If you had given up when it was hard, you wouldn’t be able to write today.
Instead, you don’t have to worry about if you can read or write because those skills are ingrained in your brain now. You kept working at it even when it was difficult.
Realize Life is a Learning Experience
You didn’t always know how to write. You had to learn. It’s the same way for new skills. Learning doesn’t stop after you leave school! You might not intuitively pick up a new language, a type of exercise, or how to use a business tool. That’s OK!
What’s important is not if you pick up on the new skill right away, but if you keep trying. When you give up, you fail. You never get the chance to learn that skill. But when you keep trying, even when you mess up, you’re giving yourself an opportunity to grow.
If you never try anything new because you are too afraid that it might go badly, you don’t give yourself an opportunity to succeed. You’re shorting yourself by failing before you even start.
That’s why retraining your brain is so important. When you shift your mindset from one that expects failure to one that looks for the positive in every experience, you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve!
This doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to magically succeed at everything you try on the first try. But it does mean you will have a positive perspective and be able to appreciate what you learn when you don’t succeed and have the confidence to try again.
Start by imagining what success means to you in terms of the task. How will you determine that you are successful in this endeavor? When you have a clear end goal, you have something to focus on when you have a setback. Instead of giving up because you’re discouraged, you can keep the goal in mind and seek out alternative ways of achieving your goal if needed.
You have the power to think differently about your situation and envision the positives!
Distinguish Between Real and Imagined Threats
When we are afraid, it’s important to determine what we are scared of. Is the threat real or imagined? For example, you might be scared of driving above 80 MPH because of the risk of losing control of your car. But there is little risk when it comes to speaking in front of a group of people.
Imagined threats scare us, but they actually can’t hurt us. We won’t get physically injured from speaking to a crowd. The worst that can happen? We might be embarrassed.
While our fear of failure is real, the threat is not. The threat is just a hypothetical scenario that is a product of our imagination (like those dreams where you have a test and you go to school naked). Instead of focusing on negative predictions, plan ahead to squash those imagined threats.
Scared of forgetting what you’re supposed to say when giving a speech? Take note cards. While you can’t plan for every scenario, you can be prepared. If something goes wrong, you will learn from it and be even better the next time.
Gain Control of Your Fear
Why are you scared of trying something new or taking that leap? Because of the possible consequences if we fail. A lot of these are imagined threats like embarrassment or shame. While they may not physically harm us, they can lead to a loss of confidence, disappointment (ourselves and others), and loss of social standing.
Oftentimes we are much more worried about the psychological cost of failing than the material cost. It’s not just about losing money but about losing face, self-confidence, friends, etc.
Instead of worrying about the potential consequences, let’s unpack what scares us the most and start building the consequence to overcome those fears.
Ask yourself:
- What consequence scares me the most?
- Is the consequence life-threatening? Or just uncomfortable?
- Will it hurt me in a way that can’t be repaired?
- How quickly will I be able to move on? Is the damage permanent or temporary?
- How well can I manage the consequence? Can I fix it?
Expect a Good Outcome But Do Not Become Attached To It
It’s important to envision the outcome you hope for and work towards that goal. But when we become too attached to a very specific goal, it’s easy to see failure in even very small changes. As we work towards our goal, our situation may change or the exact outcome might not be possible anymore.
Instead of becoming completely stuck, take this opportunity to reevaluate the goal. You aren’t failing, but perhaps the goal has changed. It’s OK for our goal to transform over time or to adjust our approach.
Goals are different depending on our experiences. While some might require sticking to a set plan, others may need more flexibility. Our ability to reevaluate and redefine the goal is a good buffer against the fear of failure. We should evaluate our success based on our ability to learn and keep progressing towards the goal.
Don’t Panic When You Experience Failure
Easier said than done, right?! This is the hardest one, but I do have a simple tip for you when you experience failure. At some point, all of us face hardships and even, yes, failure. Instead of breaking down and crying in frustration, let’s ask ourselves some powerful questions instead.
- First, what did I learn from this failure?
- Second, how can I grow from this situation?
- Third, what are three positive things about this experience?
I know it can be difficult to find the good in “failure”. It’s hard to dwell on the positive when your mind is stuck on the negative. However, if you stick with these three questions and a positive mindset, you will see that there can be new opportunity out of difficulty.
For example, maybe you asked for a promotion and didn’t get it. However, perhaps this gave you an opportunity to ask what you can do to earn that promotion. Now you have a guide for how to eventually reach your goal!
We are all afraid of something. The fear of failure holds us back from growing in our professional and personal lives. I’ve used these strategies to overcome my own fears and realize new opportunities. You can, too! What are your goals and how are you going to push past fear to achieve them? Let me know!