I was at lunch one day with an attorney I worked with when I lived in Philly. ⠀
⠀
He stopped our conversation: Jess, can I ask you a blunt question? ⠀
⠀
Me: Okayyy…
⠀
Attorney: Were you not considered pretty as a child? ⠀
⠀
Me: Excuse me? ⠀
⠀
Attorney: I mean no offense. I just find that when women grow up where being pretty is not the focus, like a beauty pageant kid, that they tend to be kind and nice. They don’t have an entitlement factor to them. ⠀
At first I didn’t like his question, then was confused by it, but then I started to understand where he was going with it. ⠀⠀
In other words, he was trying to figure out why I was nice. What a way to go about it, but I found that to be an interesting question. ⠀
⠀
I wouldn’t say I wasn’t a cute kid. My mom jacked up my haircut a few times with uneven bangs, but still cute I guess. ⠀
⠀
No joke, I looked like the fourth brother of the band Hanson.
Total tomboy. ⠀
Being pretty or trying to be was NOT even close to my focus. ⠀
My focus? ⠀
Sports.⠀
My focus was WWF wrestling. I crushed on the British Bulldog. I think that’s why today I LOVE MMA.
I put my sister’s lipstick on once when I was 12 and swore I would never rub that nasty chalk on my lips again. Gross 🤢
I kept a basketball scrapbook of the Chicago Bulls. I wrote to Michael Jordan when his dad died thinking he would read it. I got a signed team photo back, which I really thought was from MJ…⠀
(Thanks, Michael Jordan’s PR)⠀
I could see where, if beauty wasn’t the focus during your developing years, your focus was on other things other than yourself. ⠀
There wasn’t any time to be worried about what you looked like. Too many games to play and sports to try.
It’s okay if beauty is important to you. It’s important to me now – My sis and I are starting a beauty business – but it can’t be our MAIN focus.
If we allow being beautiful to be our main focus, comparing ourselves to other women becomes our main focus too.
The comparison trap brings on a whoooole other set of concerns – insecurity, resentment, feeling not good enough.
And if we’re too concerned with what we look like, we’re not truly connecting with others or taking in the beauty all around us.
Whether this bold attorney’s theory is true or not, whether you grew up rolling around in mud or believing you’re a pretty princess 👑, it’s better to be kind no matter what.
